med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
