What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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