I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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