just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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