he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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