Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
