The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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