happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
