meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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