Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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