She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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