I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
