fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
