I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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