Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
