Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
