why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
