Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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