I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
