my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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