I am spending my child support on dildos
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
