i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
