she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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