the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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