what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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