Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
