We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
