Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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