i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
