i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
