I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
