I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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