Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
