I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
