Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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