wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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