I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize