Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
