We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
