Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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