woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
