haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
