I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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