That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
