Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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