my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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