She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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