You're so nebulous sometimes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
