Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
