I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
whose parrot is this?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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