why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
