It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
