Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
