Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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