she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
