The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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