My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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