he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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