Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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