It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
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i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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