your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
