So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
