sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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