I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
