she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
