Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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