hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
