If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
