she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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