I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think a kid would responsible me up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
