i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
