I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
