YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
