There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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