You work out of a Hotel?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
