final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
