The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
